In a frantic, I ran limping down a long a dimly lit hall,. As I continued I looked around wondering just what the hell is wrong with me. It was then that I saw something up ahead.
“WHO’S THERE?!!!” I screamed.
“Feeling lost?” Someone answered.
I stopped in my tracks. “That voice.” I thought. “It sounds familiar.”
“I can see that you are very deeply hurt emotionaly.” The voice answered. “
erhaps I can help you out.”
The figure walked over and…. revealed himself.
“My God.” I whispered softly. “You’re….you’re.”
“I’m you.” My other self replied. “Tell me Jospeh, are you satisfied with you life.”
“I hate my life, sometimes….. I wish it would just end.” I replied.
I did go though a stage of depression before, but I got help and I thought I was cured… but then It started again, only this time I had thoughts of suicide.
“You know you used to be such a happy go person, but now, you’re just…… well not you.” My double replied.
I just stared at the ground.
“Fine be that way.” The second Jospeh replied, and with that he vanished.
It was true, I actually wanted to kill myself. I didn’t know why, but I just did.
I started therapy, in fact this thing I’m writing right now is his suggestion to let my emotions out since I mentioned I used to right fanfics.
Yeah, used to, at some point I had decided that it was just a waste of time and just stopped all together.
I was so angry for no reason, I started to shut everyone out of my life, my family, my friends, anyone.
I went to my computer and deleted every fanfic I was working on then I grabbed my keyboard and threw it on the floor smashing it.
When I first met my therapist he just stared at me without saying a word.
Annoyed I just asked him if he was gonna ask anything.
He smiled. “I always wait until the other person says the first word.”
I don’t know why, but I answered with the last thing even I thought I would say. “By the spirits.”
It was the first thing that entered my head, in fact after I said it I just clenched my fists.
“Sorry.” I said.
“For what.” My therapist replied.
“It’s that I have this OC I made and that’s what she says.” I answered.
“OC?” My therapist replied in a confused tone.
“Original character.” I replied. “You see I used to write fanfics.”
“Fanfics?” My therapist asked as he seemed more confused.
“My God, and you’re supposed to be helping me.” I told him.
“Well why don’t you explain to me what a fanfic is then.” He told me.
So I did I explained what a fanfic actually was and how many people enjoyed writing them about anything, tv shows, movies, anime, books and so on.
“So why did you stop writing them.” My therapist asked.
“Just lost interest I guess.” I replied.
“Can you tell me something about this…. OC you created.” he asked.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked in an annoyed tone.
“Just humor me.” he replied.
Who the hell does he think he is, I thought I was like supposed to tell him my inner most feelings and he wants to know about what I used to write about.
“Fine.” I finally told him. “Her name is Madoka.”
“Ah, that name means tranquility.” He replied.
How the hell, I didn’t think he would know what that meant.
“I pretty much can tell you what Japanese names mean.” he answered.
“Are you gonna just keep asking me these stupid questions about fanfics because I’ll leave.” I snapped.
“Okay then.” He said. “I’ll ask you about other parts of your life, but we will get back to this Madoka person.”
“She’s no real you know.” I told him.
“But was she real to you at one point.” he asked.
I didn’t reply.
“Hmm.” he said as he wrote something down in his pad.
As the session went on, I told him everything about my life, it was strange, but it was the first time in a while that I was opening up to someone.
“Now I hear you had suicidal thoughts.” He asked. “Tell me, is there any particular reason you would want to end your life.”
“Because I’m tired….I’ve gone though the pain of losing my grandparents and my dad, I walk with a limp because I broke the same leg twice and in healed all weird like, I had a huge argument with my sister because I yelled at my nephew because he drank my last root beer.”
My therapist just wrote in his pad again.
“You’re not playing tic tac toe on that thing are you?” I asked.
My therapist laughed. “Funny.”
Actually, that was the first humorous thing I had said in a long time.
“Now do you want to tell me about Madoka.” he asked.
“The hell?” I couldn’t believe how persistent he was to know about her. “Fine.” I finally said. “She’s and OC I made for this fic I was writing, she grew up in a monestary in Kyoto secluded from the world that shunned her.”
“How was she shunned.” he asked.
“Well she was dropped of in front of the monestary when she was a baby.” I replied.
I continued to tell him everything about Madoka, about how she didn’t know anything about the outside world, her realtionship with Rachel, how she risked her life to save her.
My therapist wrote down in his notepad again. “I want you to do something for me.” he said.
“What?” I asked in a confused tone.
“I want you to write a two fanfics for our next session, one about Madoka, and another about anything you wish to write about.” he replied.
“You’re joking.” I said. “I haven’t done any writing for over two months…or something.”
“Just try.” he said as he smiled. “Oh, and post it no matter what time you finish it.”
What is he doing, I was sent to him for help, and now he’s got me writing stuff.
So my mom got me a new keybord and here I am 1:32am writing this shit, I know it’s not really a fanfic, but at least I did something to satisfy him.
And now I gotta write something with Madoka, my God, where do I even begin?
Why am I even doing this? I’ve given up on writing.
Yet I’m still typing in fact I’m just typing what ever the fuck that’s coming in my head.
God what the hell is wrong with me. I bet I won’t even post this. Hell I probably won’t even save it.
I am such a loser, the hell with this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That top part I wrote about a week and a half before, yeah, I saved it, I don’t know why, but I just did, I saw my therapist again since that time, he was wondering why I didn’t post it. I told him I didn’t feel like it. He then asked me if I had written the Madoka fanfic. That’s when I yelled at him that I was never going to do anymore writing again…. And I left.
My mom and I got home and I had not spoken a word. I went to my room and just lied there.
It was when it happened…
I decided to go to the net, I don’t know why but I was curious to see how my online friends were doing…. And that’s when I saw it….today……. James is depressed?
My God no. I got worried, for the first time in a while I was concerned for someone.
I just kept reading his journal entry over and over, I read the responses and I read his entry again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay it’s been a few hours now, and I went and ready James journal entry again as well as the responses.
I thought about what his mom told him….. Which made me think…. Am I becoming an outcast?
Then I went to my mom hugged her as I cried and apologized.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO LIVE DAMMIT!!!!!!
James, you have always been a good friend, I find nothing annoying about you….EVER!!!!!!
One day we must talk again but for now I really am not ready to interact yet.
But know that I value you and all of our online friends.
And because of that….. I have finally found the power to do this……..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Madoka was meditating in the park. It was then that she heard a a small gir’s voice.
“Hi, what are you doing?” The girl asked.
“I am meditating.” Madoka replied. “It helps to clear body a soul.”
“Does it work?” The girl asked.
“It works very well if I am not disturbed.” Madoka replied.
“My name is Yotsuba, what’s your name.” Yotsuba as the girl was now known as said.
Madoka opened one eye. “BY THE SPIRTS!!!!!” She yelled as she was taken aback by her appearance. “Why is your hair green?” she asked.
“Because I was born with it silly.” Yotsuba answered.
“I suppose that is a simple answer.” Madoka replied as she sweatdropped.
“Can I try meditating?” Yotsuba asked.
Madoka just smiled. “It takes patience and dedication to medidtate.” the shrine maiden replied.
“Oh I’m gonna try anyway.” Youtsuba answered as she sat at the ground a closed her eyes and seemed to go into a deep meditation. “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” a real deep meditation.
“Well I suppsose it is another form of relaxation.” Madoka thought as she sweat dropped.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally did it, I wrote the Madoka fic my therapist wanted me to write.
Now maybe I can find out how the hell does this have to do with therapy.
Then again, you never know with shrinks.
I just hope he still want’s to see me after the way I stormed out.
Father's Day
Artistic
Neutral
